Loop Swim gifted me some swimsuits because they’re sustainable, but I didn’t know that these swimsuits would give me a boost in confidence and inspire me to seek body positivity when I look in the mirror. Self-love is sustaining.
A History of Self-Loathing
I was today years old when I wore a bikini that showed my entire stomach for the first time.
“You’re too skinny”
“Crooked teeth” (before I got braces)
Outie belly button – no one said it but I made myself hate it because it was just another flaw to add to the list. Y’all, I have spent my entire life HATING the thing that sustained my life as I grew in my mother’s womb because it is not “normal.”
I used to tape a quarter over my belly button in hopes that it didn’t stand out and wouldn’t be easily seen through my shirts. When I was pregnant, I was anxiously waiting for the day that my belly would be big enough to flatten my belly button out. It didn’t really happen, it was still an outie lol.
Oooooooh, and don’t get me started on the self-depreciating thoughts brought on by looking in the mirror while suffering from postpartum depression.
Everything they said I was, I believed, and amplified. The negative comments didn’t outweigh the nice comments, but they were always the loudest in my head. And the perfectionist and people-pleasing nature I have possessed for so long would cause me to magnify every single “flaw” I have and follow that up with beating myself up about it. This way of thinking is so mentally draining and not at all sustainable since I want to lead a healthy lifestyle. I have to choose body positivity if I am going to heal myself from the wounds that I received as a child and that grew in my mind as I got older.
I Choose Radical Body Positivity, Self-Acceptance, & Self-Love
So, I’m posting this, scared AF because maybe some folks will be like “girl shut up, you’re skinny,” as if that is a compliment. It wasn’t a compliment when I was growing up, so it is very difficult for me to accept as a compliment now.
I’ve hated my body for a long time because of all of the things that people told me it wasn’t enough of.
Today, I’m choosing to do the work to accept and love my body and all that it is and all that it is capable of.
When Loop Swim and I connected, I was super hopeful that I’d find a high waist swim suit and go on about my business. However, there was only one high waist bikini on their website, but this blue bikini was so beautiful to me. I very shyly, and after much thought, chose this one. I knew it would be difficult for me to pose for photographs in it, but it is so cute!
Fast forward to taking photos in this bikini… I squirmed and ducked my head and was so confused about how to pose. My photographer (my husband, haha) was patient with me, but it didn’t take long to get the photos because we were ready to get out of the Texas morning sun. Looking back at the photos, I’m so proud of myself. I feel beautiful in the photos despite not feeling that way when I was actually taking the photos, and I don’t ever want to feel self-conscious like I have for so long again. That is why I’m committing to doing the work of radically accepting myself as I continue to grow everyday.
I am also choosing to always be mindful of how I speak to other people, especially children, about their bodies. That is where the self-hate started for me, and I never want to be the person that someone remembers for fueling self-loathing that may have never started if only kinder words were spoken to them.
That’s it. That’s the post y’all. The only “sustainable living tip” I have is to love yourself. You cannot sustain a good life without accepting and loving yourself in the place you are now and as you grow and evolve. Who knew that a bikini, the thing that I avoided for so long, would spark this in me?
PS – You can use code ‘addie25‘ to save 25% off of your Loop Swim sustainable swimwear purchase until August 31, 2020.